TheSewSewMom

Narcissism is a buzzword right now. You hear it everywhere, but let’s be honest, most people who use the term don’t really know what it means. I do.

I grew up with a narcissistic parent, and I experienced the egocentric, all-about-me side of it. It was her world, and the rest of us were just along for the ride. Most days, I felt unloved, unsupported, and like I could never measure up. That kind of upbringing leaves a mark, and I’ve carried it with me into adulthood.

But here’s the thing: it doesn’t have to define the way I parent. In fact, it’s shaped me into being intentional about not repeating the cycle.

Here are three things I do differently in my home:

1. An Open Door Policy

My kids know I’m available to them, always. That doesn’t mean I never take time for myself (because I do). It means if they want to talk about absolutely anything, I will make time.

I’ve learned that if you listen to the “silly” things when they’re little, they’ll trust you with the important things when they’re older. This has proven true in my own family.

I have ADHD and can get overstimulated easily, so I make it obvious when I’m choosing them over distractions. I’ll pause the movie, flip my phone over, or turn away from whatever’s pulling at my attention, and I tell them: “I’m doing this because what you have to say matters to me.”

That simple habit built trust. When my daughter (now 24) struggled with suicidal thoughts, she felt safe enough to tell me. Together, we got her help, and today she’s thriving—sharing her story on social media (@kenzie.sommers on Instagram) and traveling the world. I sometimes think, if she hadn’t believed I wanted to know, would she still be here today?

2. Encouraging Their Passions (Even When It’s Inconvenient for Me)

A lot of troubled young people have one thing in common: they don’t have anything positive to pour their energy into. That was me.

In 6th grade, I got grounded for talking back. Part of the punishment was not being allowed to try out for cheerleading. Why? Because it would’ve been inconvenient for my mom to pick me up from practice. Instead, I had to take the bus home, where I filled my afternoons with the “nothing better to do” kids and that set me on a path I regret.

So I do things differently. After elementary school, I’ve had intentional conversations with each of my kids about finding their thing—something that excites them, challenges them, and gives them purpose.

When I was studying Occupational Therapy, one principle stuck with me: internal motivation is powerful. If you help a child discover their spark, you can help them grow it into a wildfire (the good kind).

Even if their passions are inconvenient for me, I want them to chase them. The alternative, an empty space filled with the wrong influences is far worse.

3. Doing Life Together

My kids know they’re not doing life alone.

Growing up, my friends didn’t know my parents. They weren’t around. When I struggled, I struggled in silence. That isolation made everything harder.

In my house, it’s the opposite. We run as a family. We hang out together. My kids’ friends gather at our house, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I want my kids to always know, if life knocks them down, we are right behind them to help them back up.

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day, every family has to find what works for them. These choices weren’t part of some carefully laid parenting plan. I just knew I never wanted my kids to feel the way I did growing up.

It’s only recently that I’ve become more self-aware of why I parent the way I do. And honestly? I’m still learning, still growing, and still reflecting.

What I do know is this: the cycle stops with me. And I’m excited to keep sharing what I discover along the way.